What is Sacred Sexuality?

How can I connect to GOD during sex if I struggle to even connect to my husband or myself during sex?

And do I even want to??? First, let's make something clear-You're not connecting to Santa Claus God in sex (that's weird) you're connecting to the divine pulsation of the universe (that's hot). And, trust me, you want to!

Two foundations of sacred sexuality are connection and presence.

There is no God (or at least no experience of God) without these two things-- whether you are at a church or under the sheets.

Most couples experience sex on auto-pilot. They fall into the path of least resistance and do sex more or less the same way every time. Like driving to work, "you" don't even need to be there (i.e. present). Your body goes through the motions, your brain does the grocery list and your soul checks out completely.

You are neither connected nor present (and sex feels neither sacred nor that great). One solution is actually so, so crazy simple most people don't even consider it a real solution.

But today I want you to hear me and practice this:

The first key to sacred sex and a deeper connection to your partner and to yourself is PACE. **Half of all issues related to sex and relationships can be solved just by slowing down.** I'm going to say this again because it's so simple we can easily rush past it, and this habit of rushing is our main problem in the bedroom! **Half of all issues related to sex and relationships can be solved just by slowing down.** I have so many beautiful Tantric practices in my toolbox to make slowing down feel really good, but before you work with a coach you can do this on your own just by creating a bit of ritual space in your bedroom. This means

Light a candle.

Turn on music.

Create an atmosphere in your bedroom that feels sacred.

Remove distractions (i.e. the laundry, your laptop). Undress slowly while maintaining eye contact.

Read to each other, or just gaze into one another's eyes for a minute.

It may be awkward at first-- all this attention and presence!-- but there is so much awesome in the awkward.

One of the mantras I most often repeat to my yoga students and coaching clients is this: All love begins in the act of paying attention.

When we attend to one another we connect to one another.

This is caring. This is love-making.

This is the quality of presence that becomes a doorway to heaven.

And you can absolutely experience this in sex.

But slowing down isn't just for spiritual purposes. It's also important for physiological purposes, too!

On average it takes a woman's body 30 minutes to become fully aroused. If sex is only lasting 7 minutes (the sad average), you are at least 23 minutes shy of sharing a peak experience.

A woman's body is a great teacher of patience, presence, attention, and tenderness.

You can't rush God and you can't rush her.

Honoring this in yourself will help you change the dynamics you share in the bedroom.

In the words of St. Isaac the Syrian, a Christian "tantrika" of the 7th century: "Try to enter your inner treasure-house and you will see the treasure-house of heaven. For both the one and the other are the same, and one and the same entrance reveals them both. The ladder leading to the kingdom is concealed within you."