Anger & Hope

Anger & Hope.

Anger that we live in a world that has very little clue on how to treat people with dignity (keep women safe without shaming their bodies in the process.

Hope, because dang! the collective wisdom and experience you guys shared is really inspiring. Our daughters are not going to have to suffer under the silence that many of us did. We’re talking about it, thinking about it, rethinking about it and finding our way together.

It’s one of my favorite things about my Sophia retreats, actually— how when we come together with the intention of celebrating our own sexiness without the context of needing to be sexy for a man, it’s so easy to celebrate and encourage one another. To be told you are beautiful and sexy and good by another woman heals us on so many levels.

Which brings me to my next question for you…

How would our experience as women change if we knew our sisters had our back when we were baring ours? Would we feel so alone around men’s wandering eyes? Would we have to dress “modestly” in order to avoid “deserving” unwanted attention?

Maybe, if we believed other woman could see us for who we really are, we wouldn’t have to shut down and close off our true self just to protect ourselves.

There is something sad about #girlpower.

Unless you’re in Taylor’s squad, #girlpower goes mysteriously missing when a vixen woman walks into the room.  Suddenly it feels more like us and her. Us being those who are either offended or turned on by what she is wearing.

Even though she isn’t the only woman in the room, she is all alone, because everyone else’s eyes are saying she is less-than.

How would our experience in dealing with this dance between feeling sexy and feeling sexualized change if the tribe of women we belong to didn’t look the other way when men looked too long, or make us who dare to wear something other than cardigans the scape goat?

What if we stopped throwing one another under a bus in the name of morality or righteousness or what is “appropriate”? Because no woman “deserves it”— (IT being sexualized).

And the difference between being sexy and being sexualized has everything to do with the integrity and wholeness of the other people in the room with you, not what you are wearing. (I love what someone said in my IG comments, “It seems to me that being sexualized is something that's put on you by others.”) I think the darker shadow falls on us women. We blame men for objectifying us, but women are just as guilty for objectifying each other.

This may sound too strong, but I don’t think it is:

The church lady sexualizes other women as much as the porn addict when she casts judgement on them for being too sexy.

Because who gets to hold the measuring stick? And why is the only thing  getting measured breast size, ass and how much is showing?

One objectification spurs desire and lust and the other spurs disgust and judgement. Both, are demeaning to women.

I get that we live in a dangerous world and we don’t want to put ourselves or our daughters in harms way.  But what if…what if every woman who found the courage to celebrate her body and dress how she wants knew she had allies.

I’ll be that for you.

Will you be that for someone too?