I remember the days I would make vision boards and the magazine clippings would gather dust long before they ever came to be in my life (the majority of the images NEVER came to be). 

Houses, cars, white marble kitchens, a diamond ring— I still don’t own any of these things I glued to my poster board.

They were things I should want, beautiful things I was taught to want. But did my soul long for them the way my body longed for deep breath?

There were other things I gathered and pasted to my board. These thin things made of glossy paper and ink weren’t objects, but words.

FREEDOM

ROMANCE

ADVENTURE

LOVE

My soul wanted only these. Desires that could not be pulled from a magazine because they belonged in my personal photo album.

Every woman has her own longings.

Longings that reflect “the largeness” within her, in the poetry of Sue Monk Kidd.

“God bless the largeness within me, even though I fear it.” Sue Monk Kid writes in the The Book of Longing

Yes, God bless the largeness within all of us. It has never left us women though we have been trained to dismiss it. Not knowing it’s value, we’ve traded it for lesser things, like the little girl who accepted the trade from  the older bully of her silver dollar for his 10 pennies. 

Not long after my son was born the movie, The Secret, came out and it was all about this thing called “The Law of Attraction.”⁣

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Living at my parents’ house, working the front desk at a gym, I remember doing this thing called “making a vision board.” In between feeding my son, changing his diapers, and allowing myself to get lost in the wonder of him, I tended to this vision board. ⁣

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What I truly desired was freedom. To know myself as a Creatress, again, like I did before “my fall.” What I wanted as a Creatress wasn’t a big house or a luxury car, but an experience of my own largeness.

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I longed for a life of romance and adventure, come what may—to imagine that even I, a single mother on food stamps, could belong here in this wonderful world.

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I flipped through magazines and looked at examples of other people’s “vision boards” but saw nothing that truly echoed me.

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I took to photography, to create my own image, images that belonged equally on my vision boards and in my photo albums, because they were me.

More than owning any THING— house, car, jewels— I wanted to own MYSELF. ⁣

And now, 14 years later, I do. Overtime and with much devotion to my soul’s longing, heart’s deepest desires, I became a master Creatress. 

Unlike others who took to the “Law of Attraction” to create outer success, the field of manifestation I chose to focus on was my inner world, and what I’ve created is my own life of true romance and meaningful adventure. A life that doesn’t right now include owning a house or a new car or a diamond ring, but does include an abundance of time and space to road trip with family, go topless in nature, sit quietly in my office and listen for what’s next, voxer my clients and be in their life more like a sister than an unreachable coach on a pedestal. 

I am on the other side of the mirror, now. Reflecting what’s possible to my younger self and serving her via the small number of women I work with that feel like younger sisters to me.

My memory keeps a few bible verses, but this one I remember:

Seek first the Kingdom of God and all else should be added to you. 

What is the Kingdom of God if not the largeness within you?

The longings you were born with?

The desires of your heart you had nothing to do with creating but have everything to do with honoring and fulfilling?

My heart has experienced some heaviness in conversation with women around their longing.

I’ve talked with so many women who can feel it, feel even that it is close somehow, the MORE they are made for, and yet when given an opportunity to really go after it and honor and breathe life into the fire within them, they turn away.

They turn away to tend to…

The house.

The car payment.

The wedding bills.

The ring.

The white marble kitchen that is still being financed.

These other things, beautiful things, have become their captor. 

If only they had the courage of these women. Women who said yes to their longing not because it made financial sense, but because they had done enough inner work to know it was time to choose and invest in themselves instead of the other things. 

I’m not sure what these women needed in order to own themselves fully. Maybe it was the house, the car, a debt-free existence, or whatever.

I can’t relate to them. I was willing to go without a house and car. I was willing to live on food stamps. I was willing to leverage my finances on behalf of myself  (the woman I wanted to become) instead of the Man (the system that keeps us all small).

My choice worked for me. I have what my soul most wanted and so now I can help others who longed as I longed.

Women who:

• Understand what’s at stake and want to be told the truth about their longing and how to access the power to fulfill that longing. (For such a time as this, ladies!)

• Have tried traditional therapy and have gotten as much out of it as they are gonna get… and yet know this is not time to stop their forward momentum. (There IS more).

• Are looking for guaranteed results for the time and effort they put into their inner work (Are you tired of fruitless toil???)

• Want to enjoy the rest of their life, feeling and BEING full-grown, sexy, alive women who show up in the world with equal parts playfulness, power, and depth. (Let me seduce you back to your own big vision of your life)

• Want to feel safe as they make the biggest leap and (possibly) investment in themselves and their future they have ever made. (I’ve got you! I will not let you fall through any cracks)

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14 years ago I thought I was disqualified from belonging to this wonderful world. I had “messed up,” gotten pregnant out of wedlock. Without a partner, I chose the life within me, but in many ways rejected myself. ⁣

What words and images symbols of the largeness within you have gathered dust in your mind?

How long have you been rejecting yourself? 

It all can change the moment you turn towards your longing.

Every woman has her own longings. I will help you honor yours.

Grace & Peace,

Morgan