Goddess of Quarantine Realness
(It was a Real Sh*t Show, Everybody!)
It happened just this last Monday.
Day 29 or 2,009 of Quarantine (is anyone still counting?).
9:38 in the morning.
An insane amount of dirty dishes sat in the sink.
Days-old laundry sat in piles on the couch.
I was walking from room to room avoiding the one thing I had to do:
WRITE.
Three laptops sat frozen on the dining room table.
My husband’s, my daughter’s and mine.
We were all flailing.
My husband was trying to teach my daughter math.
My 8 year old with learning challenges was distracted.
And he lost it.
Then I lost it....
I ran and hid in the bathroom...
crawled up into a ball...
and cried out,
I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!
The release of sound gave me a bolt of energy...
Power to feel my messy feelings.
Courage to let myself voice to the things we’re not supposed to say...
That I’m a failure.
I’m a failure of a mom.
A failure of a wife.
A failure of a woman.
And I’ll probably never sell another program again.
Failure as a mentor/coach/ceo.
My career is over.
My 15 min of thriving is over.
I am an imposter.
An illegitimate leader.
Unworthy.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Even though doing this was the opposite of what mainstream spiritual teachers tell you to do (keep positive, maintain a high-vibe mindset, make a gratitude list, visualize what you want), it felt right in my body and to to the wild feminine in me
Last Friday, my friend Mattie, a NYC based soul-centric guide and educator taught my Embody Academy ladies a powerful teaching on legitimacy*:
We strengthen our sense of legitimacy and worthiness not by adding but by clearing, Mattie says.
We don't need to prove our worth....
We need to clear away everything that hides or dims our truth.
Patriarchal cultures teach women to RESIST uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, but real power comes in claiming them.
Pretty and nice is not all a woman can be and enforcing such rules on yourself is self-violence.
Remember this:
What we resist, persists.
and
What we claim, we clear.
During my vision fast last September, I learned how to claim ALL Of who I am.
3 long nights and 4 forever days alone in the wilderness without food, tent or time-piece forces you to stop the game of resistance.
I am not just pretty and nice.
I am also ugly and fierce.
My whole life I resisted the ugly and fierce in me because I was afraid of her. But she showed up anyway, hurting people I love.
Out in the desert, dirty and ravenous, I claimed her.
I claim my dark feminine power-- the ugly and the fierce-- in service to the light.
This claiming led to a clearing so the full force of the divine feminine could flow through me in a really good way.
Back against the wall, next to the dirty trash can in my bathroom I called that ugly, fierceness back in.
I claimed myself as the Goddess of NOT KNOWING HOW TO DO THIS:
I am the Goddess of Quarantine Family Fever
I am the Goddess of Fleeing Difficult Situations.
I am the Goddess Hating Teaching My Daughter Math.
I am the Goddess of Fucking Impossible Standards.
I am the Goddess of Feeling like a Failure of a Mom.
I am the Goddess of Feeling like a Failure of a Wife.
I am the Goddess of Imposter Syndrome.
I am the Goddess of Illegitimacy.
I claimed all that and then guess what?
I got up, marched back to the dining room table, sat down next to my husband and daughter and wrote you this newsletter.
Claiming is clearing and self-approval is inner-alchemy.
Times are tense and emotions are running high.
This is Quarantine realness.
Maybe you’re not wrong for not wanting to sit and journal about what you are grateful for.
Maybe you aren’t wrong for wanting to throw your hands up in the air and say, “SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!”
May you aren’t wrong for wanting to curl up into a ball and bawl your eyes out.
I hope my Monday mess of a story inspires you to try something new and maybe a little crazy...
Like giving yourself over the Goddess of whatever you are resisting and see what shakes loose in you.
Show me your Goddess of Quarantine Realness vibes and know....
I am with you in the low places, the ugly paces, and the fierce places.
Here is where we learn how to own our feminine power in a beautiful new way.
Grace & Peace & Realness,
Morgan
Are you on a journey of reclaiming your feminine energy (sexuality + spirituality) for yourself?
Are you resonating with labels less and less?
Are you no longer willing to betray yourself in order to belong?
Are you smart, ambitious, tender, wise and ready to thrive?
Guess what?
I THINK YOU ARE AN “EMERGING WOMAN!”
Learn more about who she is, who you are, and what becomes possible when you own yourself as a new kind of woman…