The funny thing about "modesty"

The funny thing about "modesty"

I think modesty is a really funny thing.

To be honest I just don't get why we spend so much energy on being the fashion/modesty police for one another.

When someone asks me what I think my job is as a "Christian woman" to make sure a brother doesn't stumble, here is what I honestly want to tell them:


(or yours).

What I feel like my job is as a human being (woman and christian included) is simply this: to embody love.

I reject the idea that it’s any woman’s job—Christian or otherwise—to take responsibility for a man’s thought life.

I feel pretty passionate about this, and I shared this funny quote on my instagram account not long ago:

It makes me sad-- no furious-- that in this day in age so many woman still are trapped in fear, guilt and shame around their bodies being perceived as too sexual.

Worry about what others are thinking about them and their (adequate amount or lack of) modesty causes woman so much anxiety!

And no wonder because we never really know where we stands! Modesty is a cultural and personal thing and it shifts depending on whose doing the judging, who we are being compared to, and what context we are in.

Am I modest?

Compared to a lot of moms year maybe no, but compared to a Kardashian maybe yes.

Do I worry about it?

Not one bit.

Because I've learned..

When a woman looks outside of herself for the validation she craves her internal world will never be stable. If inner peace and joyful freedom is what she wants when she puts on her clothes, she has to check-in with her body.

Here is the only question I ask myself when it comes to dressing for work, date-nights, photoshoots, errands, vacations, retreats, trainings, family gatherings, etc:

Body, given the context we will be in and the people we will be with, do you feel safe and good wearing this?

Please fee free to borrow it!

When it comes to wholeness and regaining trust and intimacy with our feminine selves, body and soul, we got to learn to honor the wisdom within.

I don't think it's helpful to our daughters or to one another to even hit at the idea that there is something about our bodies that is guilty and at fault for another's sexual sin.

This is why I don't preach "modesty" as part of feminine wholeness.

...and why I was so over-the-moon-excited to discover these words by Pope John Paul II in Theology of the Body:

"The woman's body is not evil-- even if she deliberately uses her appearance to tempt a man."

Do you hear that!? From a Pope no less!

He goes on to say,

"Anyone who reads a negative view of the body and sexuality into Christ's teachings makes a fundamental error."

(Can I get the loudest A M E N, please!?)

There are so many women out there- and you may be one of them--who have been wounded by this fundamental error.

Ever heard the phrase: The road to hell is paved with good intentions?

When it comes to sex and feeling confident in sexual wholeness, many woman are living in hell because of the "good intentions" of instilling modesty.

So call me what you like, but here I am to say this loud and clear again:

I reject the idea that it’s any woman’s job—Christian or otherwise—to take responsibility for a man’s thought life.

It’s a battle no gal could ever win anyways, even if we dressed in burlap sacks and wore stockings to hide our ankles. (The Victorian Era case in point). When make something taboo, it just becomes hotter.
So I don’t play this game, or go to battle in this way with others who try to pick a fight with me.

And I don’t assume all men only care about one thing.

I think highly of men and see the best in them which allows me to live my life in freedom and love and forgiveness and playfulness and let the chips fall where they may.

Talking about this with my husband recently he said, “Somewhere we’ve told the story that lust is always a woman’s fault. And it’s crazy.”
To blame a woman’s body for a man’s lustful thoughts is crazy-- so I made a crazy video about it.

The video is ridiculous on purpose. I hope it makes you laugh and feel a little lighter. Given all the suffering and heartbreak in the world today, I think the energy spent on policing modesty is even more ridiculous than me dancing around in a burlap sack. But please know my heart is definitely NOT to make fun of any ideals you hold dear, but to loving challenge the status quo and shift things from shame to freedom.

Grace & Peace & Goofiness,


The Fall Self-Care Practice Every Woman Needs

The Fall Self-Care Practice Every Woman Needs

Does "sexiness" have spiritual value?

Does "sexiness" have spiritual value?