“How do I embrace my sexuality if I’m not having sex?”

“How do I embrace my sexuality if I’m not having sex?”

“How do I embrace my sexuality if I’m not having sex?”

She wrote to me via private message on instgram…

She shared that she was single and didn’t desire to have sex while dating, but she did desire to connect with her sexuality in a healthy way.

Only problem: No one taught her how.

I’m also hearing a version of this question from women in my tribe who are married, yet embracing a “winter” phase in their sex life. These are woman who are on the healing journey and are giving themselves permission to say NO to sex right now, so that they can heal and restore a more authentic YES.

So...whether you who are reading this are married, dating, divorced, separated or completely single, I want you first to hear this:

YOUR SEXUALITY BELONGS TO YOU.



How do you embrace your sexuality whether or not you are having sex? .

I think it’s such a good one because it’s really a deeper question about how we define sexuality— and whether the definition is empowering to us or not. It also asks us to really think about what we mean when we say “sex.”

Western culture tends to equate sex with penetration, or intercourse, but when we define sex this way, it hinders and limits our understanding of what sexuality IS gets.

From an Eastern perspective, sex is way more expansive, energetic and cosmic. The tantric view of the universe sees every atom engaged in erotic relationship. Catholics see the trinity in a similar way….a divine dance of intimacy.

With this more cosmic take on sex, sexuality is way more liberating. From this perspective, the very act of breathing is an erotic exchange and a way we can experience sexuality in a way that is intimate, safe, tender, and sexy.


TRUTH: Whether or not you are having intercourse does not make you more or less of a sexual woman. What makes you a sexual woman is the fact that you are alive.



There is so many ideas I have on this topic (and if you are interested in going deeper sign up for Feminine Wholeness University! Come on a Sophia Retreat!), but for the sake of getting the conversation going, here is how I would advise a friend to embrace her sexuality…


#1. Stop defining sex as intercourse

Broaden your view of sex into the poetic, metaphoric, energetic experience. With sex liberated from it’s confining definition, your sexuality can be liberated too— and contrary to how things were defined in the 70s, sexual liberation does not mean sleeping with whomever, for whatever reason. And semi drunk “hook-ups” isn’t freedom either. But there is such a thing as healthy sexual liberation and it begins by unhinging yourself from the lie that sexuality can only be awkakened or “unlocked” by someone outside yourself.

Embracing sexuality is embracing something very natural and innocent. Sexuality is sensuality. Something that belongs to us before we choose who we share it with. It comes through spontaneously whenever we draw closer to the things that light us up.



#2 Start embracing sexuality as something very natural that belongs to YOU

Explore defining sexuality as a safe and naked state of being in
conscious, natural, passionate, open, receptive, innocent relationship
with the energy of creation itself.

I encourage you to explore this alone in sacred relationship with your own soul.

How? Here are a few suggestions. Let them inspire you to create more of your own and share in the comments below!

  • Make love with nature

The natural world is such a grea tlover! Put down your phone, go outside and really take in the beauty around you. Invite your soul and every cell of your body to receive the pleasure that Beauty brings. Plan romantic moonlight or sunrise rendezvous with your soul.

  • Read or write poetry in your underwear

Spend more time lounging around with hardly any clothes on. Lean into this natural state of wonder, joy, tenderness.

  • Seduce yourself with music

Light a candle and sing a quiet, breathy song to yourself in a satin slip.

  • Explore Erotic Self-Touch

If it feels safe and good and in service to your feminine awakening, experiment with a sacred self-pleasuring practice. Get education from OMGYES. Buy the book “A Woman’s Anatomy
of Arousal
.”

  • Move through the world sensually

Delight in all your 5 senses. Massage your inner organs with breath. Breathe with Love throughout the day and touch your own body with tenderness when you shower and dress. Make a daily practice of anointing your body with oils. Prepare colorful meals for yourself and people you love and savor each bite like it was the best thing in the world.

  • Start Body of Bliss

Body of Bliss is one of the 5 courses inside Feminine Wholeness University and is a step-by-step online course that takes a woman from disconnect to deep connection with her own body through ancient and modern practices of feminine wholeness.

How will you embrace your sexuality today? Share in the comments below which of these sound fun to try or tell us an idea of your own!

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Yoga to Feel Sexy

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