Does "sexiness" have spiritual value?
I got a private message the other day from a woman who wasn't comfortable with the way I encourage sexiness...
What's the biblical value of "sexiness?"
Hmmmm, I thought. Interesting inquiry!
Being way more of a mystic than a religious scholar, I never looked into the scriptural value ofsexiness before.
(That's a funny thought, isn't it!: THOU SHALT FEEL SEXY!)
Truth be told: I see sexiness all over the place in nature (hello, orchids!) so I guess I just assumed the creator was quite sexy him/herself, and therefore values the inherent sexiness in all things.
But I appreciated her question and I told her I would think about it.
She shot back with another question:
Why should I want to feel sexy, anyway? I don't aspire to be a Victoria Secret Angel or one of the Kardashians. I wasn't born with a perfect face or a perfect body. I resent men who onlyvalue that in women.
Wow, I thought! The term "sexy" can sure feel disqualifying if it's attached in any subconscious way to the word "perfect" or what men do/do not value. And holy cow, that may be the problem!
Sexiness and perfection are not synonyms. Sexiness and male approval don't mean the same thing either.
But in her mind these things all pointed to the same thing. And for a girl after wholeness and freedom, why would she want any part of this? Of course she wouldn't!
It wasn't that long ago when I too felt like sexiness depended on fitting some stereotype, where the #1 goal was to be perceived as "sexually attractive" to men and look "perfect" to other women.
I've been preaching this work of feminine wholeness for a while now I just assumed when I said the word "sexy" women knew I was talking about the soul level. It made me realize how much light I need to still bring to these words I am using!
A big part of the cultural feminine wholeness game we can all take part in is to infuse our everyday conversations with our girlfriends, mothers and daughters, with new awareness, clarity and healthy questions…
Who defines "sexy" in your world?
Who holds that measuring stick of sexiness for you?
What did you learn about sexy women growing up? Was it positive or negative?
When you go out on a date, is it more important for you to feel sexy or to look sexy?
How we answer these questions personally really affects how we see ourselves as women, and how we relate to sex and men too!
(Spend some time journaling these this weekend!)
If anyone other than me is defining sexy in my world or if I give anyone other than me the power to hold the measuring stick of sexiness, sexiness feels like a should, and I come to resent it-- fast!
But when I'm defining sexy in my world and I'm holding the measuring stick for myself, feeling sexy feels life-giving. It feels safe, authentic, energizing, playful, and fun.
I didn't want this woman to miss out on feeling all those things, too, so here is what I replied back:
I agree with you. You shouldn't have to be/feel sexy. Should is an obligation. You are under no obligation to feel/be anything. If I may, though, here is a reason why you may want to feel sexy.
What if sexiness is was aliveness?
What if sexiness was the unique way you expressed your delight for life itself?
What if sexiness was an invitation for you to embody more joy, pleasure, playfulness, mystery and confidence in your life? No matter your body type, skin color, age, marital status, etc.
Personally, I think there is a lot of value to feeling sexy as a woman.
And it may not have explicit biblical merit, but I do think it has spiritual value.
Hear me out:
I am not a theologian, but when Jesus talked about life to the full (John 10:10), I’m pretty sure sex and feeling radiant is included in that!
Life to the full is life in technicolor.
Life in fireworks.
Life without fear of being seen in our fullest bliss.
(What else does this sound like? hint: The French call it la petite morte.)
And think about it...when we feel alive inside, we see everything more like the Saints see things... with love instead of fear, with joy instead of sorrow, hope instead of despair, with humor instead of severity.
See...a woman’s authentic sexiness makes the world a better place to be!
The problem isn't with the word sexy, the problem is with the narrowness of our own definitions and the way we self-disqualify based on clinging to those definitions.
As we mature, the desire to feel sexy and be sexually alive becomes more important, not less. (Have you seen the movie, The Bookclub yet?! I highly recommend it. Diane Keaten, Mary Steenburgen, Jade Fonda and Candace Bergen are my favorite starlets.
To wrap it up:
Feeling sexy is part of feeling healthy.
You don’t need to feel weird or embarrassedor “less spiritual” for wanting to feel your sexy best! Your desire to feel alive and vibrant in body and soul is embedded within your desire for life to the full. It's completely natural! And very spiritual, too. It reflects your soul’s longing to experience all the promises of the Christ.
So go for it, you sexy Saint!
And here is some good news: there are lots of ways to feel sexier starting today!
I posted a video on YouTube where I share with you 3 of my favorite personal tips to feel sexier (almost) instantly!
What do you think?
Can sexiness have spiritual value?
If you believe so, which of these three “instantly sexier” tips are you going to try first?!